Midnight Journal of a New Mom

Before I gave birth to my little one, I had a very rosy picture of motherhood. I imagined that we'd live happily ever after and we'd be a complete family once the baby arrives. Everything seemed to be going well until the time we were at the hospital. But I had a reality check as soon as I came home and realised how my life had changed completely, in a way I could have never imagined.

My little one has completed five months and in these five months, I have discovered how strong and determined I can be as a mother and at the same time I have realised how weak and fragile I am. I have been overjoyed with chora reaching his milestones while I have also spent some nights crying alone, staring at the ceiling for reasons that seem stupid on other nights.

There have been times when I have been jealous of my husband simply because he can go out to work, have a drink with his friends without any guilt and come home near the midnight and carry on with his life as if nothing has changed. I have waited for my husband to come home just so that I can pick a fight with him.

What makes a new mom's journey even more difficult is how everyone expects you to behave a certain way now that you are a mother. Everyone has an advice you don't need about how you should eat, dress up, walk, sleep or breathe. It might be useful but you didn't ask for it and it's annoying when everyone is constantly telling you what to do or what not to do.

In these past five months, there have been moments when I have felt that may be I need a medical intervention or a professional counselor to help myself feel better. I have been ashamed to talk about how tiring it is to not just take care of my baby or my body but my mental health and my emotions.

From working for almost 10 hours a day and leading a very active professional and social life to staying home, talking to a little human all day, and checking my bank balance every other day to make sure I didn't run out of my savings; my life has changed in a way I had never imagined.

Why am I writing this in the middle of the night instead of sleeping? Because I want to reach out to other moms who might have been in a similar situation. To new moms who are unaware of what future holds. To moms who came out strong.

In the end, we all get through this. Just because we feel weak and vulnerable doesn't mean we don't love our child enough. It only means we need to tend to our emotions just how we tend to our child's needs.
Take care of yourself, dear mommies. You are doing it right.

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