Lockdown 2.0 Musings: Counting my blessings

Covid-19 has yet again locked us inside our homes and as much as we may want to, it is hard to picture life going back to what was once so normal. It’s been five months and I feel like I have already forgotten how we used to spend our weekends. In this new reality, there are no boundaries between work hours and family time….weekdays and weekends seem to have blended well together. Days turn into evenings while all we do is stare at the screen and if you have a kid who demands all your attention, you might be feeling like you’re losing it all. Despite all the craziness, there’s no denying the fact that we have made some positive changes in our lifestyle and we are truly committed to continuing with it once the lockdown is lifted and (although the end is not in sight) pandemic is over.

As we look forward to brighter, sunnier and better days ahead, I want to take a moment to be in the present and reflect on all the little blessings of my life and in a hope to connect with you all through my words, I present to you my list of gratitude.

This opportunity to cook for myself and my loved ones

One of the ways I am taking care of myself and my family is by eating healthy and cooking healthy meals. And I simply love this new me who doesn’t eat a lot of junk food and prefers to make roti and kwati over pizzas and momos. I remember how eating out and ordering food online had become such a ritual but if cooking healthy meals at home is the new normal, I am totally embracing this new reality.

On top of that, I have all the time in the world to try out new dishes for my son and offer him different varieties of food for every meal. And this little fellow seems to love everything his mother prepares for him.

Forever grateful for the family we have to fall back on

If you are a mother working from home during a global pandemic, you would know exactly what I mean when I say I wouldn’t have done this without my family. I have often thought about quitting my job because on some days, it just doesn’t seem possible to be able to manage kitchen, all the household chores and take care of my son while I take online classes and attend meetings. The mental load of household responsibilities added with the feeling of failure at every task I undertake breaks me down at times. Even a small mess up, something like the milk boiling over on the stove or the washed clothes getting wet in the clothes line due to rain, feels unnerving.

But when you have a rock solid family backing you up and telling you ‘You do what you have to and we will take care of everything else’, my heart fills with love and gratitude for the life and family we have. This pandemic has definitely brought us all closer to the people who love and respect the most.

For the work I do with all my heart

I have always been a very proud and a happy teacher because it allows me to interact with young minds and I learn to see life with a new inquisitiveness and interest every day. In my class today, we discussed about the Pacific Plastic Patch and tomorrow we talk about how good governance is so important for a country to prosper. I spend a lot of time planning my lessons to make sure it’s engaging for students. My work gives me a lot of opportunities to learn something new, study in depth and be more aware of global issues. I feel fortunate to have this responsibility and opportunity to share what I know with my students and in my course of teaching them I continue to learn more.

I love my job and I love how I look forward to my class everyday as I wake up, take shower, get dressed and sit in front of my laptop and we learn together.

Amidst all the negativity and fear that we all are currently living in, these few hours that I spend with my students give me the feeling of worthiness and solace.

This opportunity to be with my son and see him grow

I stayed at home for nine months after delivery before I joined work 2 months before the lockdown. When I joined work, I was really sad that I’d be missing a lot of his firsts….First step….First few words. And here I am today enjoying every new word he blabbers. It feels like we are on an adventure and we don’t have a clue of what new thing he is going to do today that will amaze us. My 16 month old is full of life and surprises. He loves to talk, eat and read books. He loves to be around people and play silly games with us. He reminds me to complain less and be more thankful.

Being aware of my emotions and accepting my weaknesses

Few days ago I cried my heart out because I spilled dahi on my book cover and when I tried to wipe it out, it tore off a bit of the hardcover. I cried and washed my face and went about my day as if nothing happened. I didn’t sit and dwell on why I cried or why I am so clumsy. I have become more aware of my negative emotions that include jealousy, anger, frustration and hopelessness. I am slowly learning to accept these emotions as real without seeking validation from anyone else. I am weak. I am clumsy. I am irritable. I am all that everyone else is and that’s ok I realize.

 In conclusion, I don’t know if these stormy, dark clouds that we are living under have any silver linings to it. As uncertainty looms over us and every new day brings us more reasons to be watchful of every move we make, let’s hope we find small reasons and moments to be thankful for everyday. We are all struggling to stay positive and worry less about the physical and mental wellbeing of our loved ones. In these challenging times, let’s reach out to our friends and family members, our neighbors and professionals working in the frontline because sometimes all you need to do is only listen to actually help someone. And if you want to do more, there are a lot of people in need of financial aid, consider donating.

Thank you for reading!