How I am doing as a new working mom? Terrible!


I reach my school late every morning and most of the days I reach right when the children start singing National Anthem which means I have to stand still for a while and it’s utterly embarrassing that the children face towards the parking lot during their morning assembly. Well, that’s how the day starts for this new working mommy.

My day progresses calling home at least 2 times before lunch break. And as soon as the clock strikes 12, I rush home to feed my little one who has been unwell for the past three weeks now. First, it was cough and cold then it was vomiting and diarrhea. Why did nobody ever tell me before how sick kids get after reaching a certain age? Going home to feed chora during lunch break sometimes means this mommy has to skip meals and survive on my never ending stock of fruits and junk food that I store in my office desk J

It has almost been a month since I joined a new school and the weeks have passed smoothly. I only left work in the middle of the day twice and remained absent for a day. Not bad, eh?

But you know what’s bad…the guilt that I carry for being away from my son. It’s worse on the days when he is sick and clingy. I have been asking myself too often if it was the right decision to come back to work so early. As heartwarming as it is to see my son smile when I reach home after work, it breaks my heart to imagine that he thinks about me and may be also misses me a little and looks for me when I am not around. Would he grow up to be a different person if I stayed at home? Will it really make a big difference that together we earn a little more? Will chora be proud of me and the work I do when he grows up?

It’s just been a month and that’s how I have been spending my days, asking myself the same set of questions every day. Every morning as I kiss him goodbye, my heart breaks a little more. My doubts and insecurities seem pointless because even in my absence, he’s being taken care of well by the grandparents. But a mom’s heart finds no solace being away from her child may be.
May be tomorrow I will grow stronger.
May be I will learn to worry less.
May be this guilt will go away.
May be I will learn to reach everywhere on time.
But for today, I am just another hopelessly, careless, guilt ridden tired mom... 

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